TV Critics: The Big Allotment Challenge; Nightmare Neighbour Next Door; Watermen: A Dirty Business

“Basically it’s The Great British Rake Off, or The Great British Sowing Beans or … or you can do your own. What do you expect? It’s about English allotments – it’s going to be parochial. But it’s also primetime BBC TV and I expect some drama. Foul play maybe – nocturnal sabotage, at least a hosepipe ban.”
Sam Wollaston, The Guardian

“There was too much emphasis on the judging, and not enough on the growing. The second half passed in a blur of rosettes, though there were flashes of a killer competitive instinct from a couple of growers. Fern Britton was a perfect choice for presenter, no-nonsense but kindly, the living template of a nice lady from the WI.”
Christopher Stevens, Daily Mail

“Who would have thought there would be a programme to be made out of judging time at the village fête? Step forward Anna Rampton, head of output, for there really wasn’t. Fern Britton, whose name is a potential follow-up show all by itself, did what presenters do on these things if they don’t do jokes. She hyped the tension.”
Andrew Billen, The Times

“In fact, nothing felt very real amid the allotments. It was a Secret Garden-like fantasy, walled away from real-world cares, a bountiful paradise in which the greatest worry was if the radishes would turn out woody, or the sweet peas would go to seed. We can at least be thankful it doesn’t have the words “Great” or “British” in the title. A pleasure to watch.”
Ellen-E-Jones, The Independent

“They couldn’t open their bedroom curtains without confronting yobs taking shortcuts across their garden wall or sitting on the rooftop playing the bongos. They can’t even move — their property is unsaleable, thanks to the squatters. While we’re on the subject of Great British traditions . . . whatever happened to the right to a bit of peace and quiet?”
Christopher Stevens, Daily Mail

“Brought back memories of last year’s hot summer. The people of the North West of England, it seems, cannot be trusted with water. Women toss wet wipes in industrial quantities down drains until they block. A pub landlord invents a piping system that bypasses his meter. Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to think.”
Andrew Billen, The Times

A resilient stomach is one of the two must-have qualities for a rewarding career in the sewers (you can get used to any foul smell apart from a rancid fat blockage, apparently). The other is a sense of humour that’s nine parts “toilet” to one part “gallows”.
Ellen-E-Jones, The Independent